Garden snakes can be dangerous:

GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS:

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here...

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

That's when he shot her.

 

I don't know why nobody else has responded. I thought it was hilarious.

 

This is obviously one of those pyramid jokes which starts off with a little problem and escalates into a major disaster. Thank God we don't have snakes in New Zealand and cops aren't normally armed for domestics. I shudder to think of the hospital bills and ambulance costs over a snake. A very good laugh all the same and possibly why there haven't been too many replies, people are checking for little green snakes under their sofas. Cheers Neil.

 

You realy wonder what people are drinking or smoking when they dream this stuff up.

It was good.

 

Absolutely hilarious! Even funnier is life is stranger than fiction, I shudder to think what would be stranger than that. A true example of entropy and Murphy's law in action.

 

A story used to go around here in Italy years ago - I never found out whether it was apocryphal, but it was pretty realistic. Up in the Bologna area, out in the country where they (really, it's true) use surgical alcohol in a plastic squeegee bottle for a lot of household cleaning jobs, a lady cleaned the bathroom and threw what was left in the bottom of the bottle into the toilet, swirling it around the sides. Her husband came in for his morning poo, sat down, lit a cigarette and threw the match between his legs into the toilet, which promptly exploded. Falling down among the shards, he slashed the back of his thighs pretty badly and started losing a lot of blood. So his wife called an ambulance, and the paramedics dressed his wounds and started carting him downstairs on a stretcher. To make conversation, they asked him how it had happened. When he told them, they laughed so much they dropped him on the stairs and broke both his legs.

Friends have sworn that it's true and they'd read the newspaper reports, but I was never able to google them.

 

No snakes, at all, ?

 

There have been several versions of that story over the years. The first one I heard took place in England and it involved the wife dumping some paint thinner into the toilet. The rest of the story, including the ambulance attendants, was pretty much the same except I seem to recall the guy breaking just one leg. In any case, the story is a classic. Thanks for sharing a good laugh.

 

None native mitch (though some may be kept as pets), it's the same in Ireland. Here in the UK the only one to be concerned about is the adder

TBH I don't know how the Aussies and you Yanks can toddle around with all those snakes and spiders around.

 

Wildfire, you forgot the ones in Whitehall and the one in 10, Downing St., who I would hesitate to call an adder.

 

Sorry Mitch, I've just had a look and saw you were amazed to learn we had no snakes in NZ. We have some of the variety cozzielex mentioned and they don't have the fatal effects of the types in Australia and the USA. Neil.

 

sp3851
thats is so funny,im going to pass that on,its a good laugh

 

g watson
thats another one thats funny,thanks i'll stick with clorax for cleaning. thanks for the laugh