Jewels is a gem

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Hi everybody,
My nickname is Jewels,
Guess what! When you call yourself the unique (I hope so! - as far as I know!) nickname Jewels, your exhusband buys you an engagement ring/ A beautiful blue gem - And/ Exactly 15 years post divorce/ Just after he (and I) had found our Mrs/ Mr RIGHT respectively........It gets cut off your finger 'cos' it's too small....That was the expensive gem/ Unfortunately now all broken!.....And very expensive to repair..........But at least I still have a ring finger!....God bless my Dr!........
Subsequently an exfriend bought me another nice blue ring (A male and very hopeful!.......All the rest of the story is CONFIDENTIAL/ like my life
/ OK?)...... (Nothing suspicious or criminal AT ALL....I just like my privacy lots....as does my right man, inevitably)............./ It was just a friendship ring/ He wanted to marry me/ He forgot that I was in luv with another guy!.....And about exactly a year later I developed a serious allergy to the Nickel alloy that (the Dr said - a bit of a warning there!.....) they apparently put into cheap rings/And it got cut off in the hospital EMERGENCY DEPT!......All infected (a bit like the friendship there!).....OOPS!.......
I have to laugh now! - that's me!..........

I like to make a non-prejudicial joke if I can/ I have an 'Egalitarian' attitude to life (if you don't know what that means it means that you accept all sorts of people have all sorts of .......Religions/ attitudes/ lifestyles/ races/ backgrounds/ private lives/ public lives/ families/ houses/ holidays/ jobs/ talents..etc........)....... An example is that after a 'Pilates' physio session went wrong, I've been saying "I'm not going to be Pilates about THAT sort of pilates/ after that reaction! "....The rest is CONFIDENTIAL _ OK?
Got the drift? I'm not anti-'Pilates' physio AT ALL...in fact as a nurse I even went for a job doing reception in a 'Pilates' clinic (and if I had got it?...I would have worked at it as hard/ for as long/ as many solid and hardworking hours as they wanted me to).....
The other side of it is that I bought myself a car called a gemini/a true friend said " Jewels you got yourself a Gem! "....and as it turned out it had already been stolen........Got the picture? No Gems for the Jewels!....
Never mind.....At least!/ So far! - NO MORE GEM PROBS PLEASE!/ I still have 2 ring fingures!/ Car was insured!.....I've told the POLICE that my new car's rego IS MINE!...And that I'll go and get it transferred at Registration myself if I decide to sell...That's what I mean about being confidential!........
If you're a SPAM artist/ Forget it around me- OK?.......Got the drift?......
I'm also a conservationist and a qualified Ecologist......A bird/plant specialist (which is not to say that I don't also know lots about Australian mammals, frogs, reptiles, marsupials etc)...Just a basic knowledge about insects - OK?.....The Australian insects are VERY, VERY complex.......
A constantly changing taxonomy (And if you don't know that word, then go and look it up, please/ You're not another Biologist, that's all I can say........
I love this term "Artist" which is getting around here in Australia......For exmple I am not only a real "ScetchArtist" but also a "Multi-Task Artist "/ "Interior Design Artist "/ "Dog artist "/ "Cooking Artist "/ "Floristry Artist" etc...
Got the drift?....The term applies to any thing about your life that involves some degree of talent.......I'm a "Dog Artist" because I've given my dog lots of simple dog jokes/ She smiles at them/ Sometimes I just say something to another person when I've got my dog on the lead with me................... and she bursts into a big DOGSMILE!.....You know what I mean........
I guess she has her own sense of humour....eg: On our recent walk I accidentally 'mis-said'... "Look for cars before crossing the LOAD ".(I meant to say ROAD!)...and she gave me a BIG SMILE!...Gosh! I've got some beauties of photos of her silly grins! (GOSH! JUST LISTEN TO HER SILLY NEW DOG ROAD RULES....I BET THAT'S WHAT SHE WAS THINKING!).........
Yes! I believe in GOD.......A whole heap of us Ecologists were at a student party years ago/ We discovered that we all had exactly the same religious beliefs....(a friend of mine subsequently looked it up and discovered that we are all called PANTHEISTS - I didn't like the name at first.....My initial comment was "Didn't he lead all those mice Astray or something? "...to which my fiend/another nurse/ said "NO! Not Peter Pan, you twit!...the Greek God PAN! ").....Get the drift of my sense of humour?.....
Pantheists are a VERY HARMLESS RELIGION/ We get on very well with Christians/ Most of us got christened as babies........We PANTHEISTS believe that "GOD IS THE SPIRIT OF ALL LIVING THINGS/ ANIMALS AND PLANTS INCLUDED! ".......I must admit that it is at least a shorter name to put in the field RELIGION on some form "Pantheist" than ALL THAT!......We say prayers for even our houseplants/ Insects that we swat/ The very thought of a deceased person/ The very thought of our dead pets/ The thought that some patch of bush could get cleared etc.......... The prayers for people are made by some of us even if they were evil.....Then our prayers are that we hope that his/her relatives went the opposite way and became very good people- OK?.........
I'm one hell of a Multi-Task Artist....To the extent that I multi-tasked myself into answering the telephone with a cigarette in my hand and OOPS!.....I burnt my tip of my nose!..........That got me slowing down a bit!....I was (a) cooking, (b) cleaning, (c) studying, (d) 'sort-of watching' TV and then (e)When a friend called me (f) As I was still finishing a sentence in the middle of the call (g) I got up to stir the pan and OOPS!....
"Slow down girl! "...Is what I thought......Don't worry/ I have a bit!............
I was also (h) thinking about how I used to be a florist and wanted to re-arrange some flowers in a vase on top of said TV.......That was the distracting bit I decided, in the end!...
I'm very community minded...For example: When I had a bit of a match flick up my nose (and give me '2nd degree burn'), I promptly got on the phone/ Complained about that brand of matches along the grounds that they could also BLIND somebody or start a bushfire since they flicked off HOT bits...subsequently that brand got taken off the market - OK?....I say to people that "I do Informal Voluntary Work "...And I do!...You betcha!....
Nonetheless I still stick up for matches!.....
As a conservationist:
Becausea)They are totally BIODEGRADABLE unlike lighters,which probably take years to decompose!.......
(b) I happen to know that they are grown in Matchwood plantations......
(c)I haven't heard of any health hazards from inhalation of the Phosphorous tips..........
Mind you that complaint was only after it had been 3 weeks of putting cream up there and then finding it was irresistably annoying that I JUST HAD TO BLOW MY NOSE! (OOH!.....THAT NOSE OF MINE!)....HA!
When I say it gave me a second degree burn (Oh gosh/ What is that in the modern lingo if you are another medical person?....A deep full or partial thickness burn?....The problem was that I couldn't see it at all! The Dr could!....Anyway/ Guess what the 'complaint people' said to me?........ "You have been the victim of an unfortunate accident Madam! "......
Whooee!...that comment didn't go down very well at the time! NOT AFTER DAILY 3 WEEKS WORTH OF BLOODY HANKY WASHING!; But I subsequently realised that I could have been a millionaire to them...(I "M NOT AT ALL!..............GO AWAY ANY OF YOU HACKERS!) from where they were coming/ I'll bet that they were worried that I wanted to sue them/.......NO!......
I just wanted BIODEGRADABLE MATCHES TO BE SAFE!.......................
Get the drift of me?....A very serious commitment to saving lives and the environment/ Along with a BIG tendency to crack a joke along the way.......eg: I asked the dentist "What are the good Dentist jokes?/ I'm a nurse! "....He was too busy fixing my teeth until it was time to go....When he turned around and said to me "Now I know the Dentist joke!...Remember how you said to me when I mentioned ADRENALINE that it was going to make you feel like a 'cat on a hot tin roof'?.....Well do you realise that you now look like one? "....anbd I thought about it for a second before realising that I DID TOO!....
My shoulders were all arched up!..... Just like a 'cat on a hot tin roof'!!!....
Got to go!..........Busy, busy!..................
Cheers,
Jewels is a gem!
(PS: No more GEMS please!.......Isn't it third time lucky?.........So far- OK?)