Microsoft Security Center Scam Fun

Hi all,

For about a year I've been reading about phony\scam phone calls from people claiming to be from Microsoft calling to fix a person's computer.

Well, truth be told, I was feeling really neglected and left out because I hadn't been called yet — even though I've had my "burn" number out there for at least a decade.

Well, 'lo and behold, I FINALLY GOT A CALL!!!

Having expected the call for some time, when I was finally "chosen ", and I had waaaay too much time on my hands, I decided to see how long I could keep the guy on the phone.

I won't give the 30 minute transcript, I'll just hit the highlights: (by the by, this guy had such a heavy, heavy accent that half the time I really meant "could you repeat that, please?)(although I won't include all of them here, I said it at least 50 times or more)

Call Center: Hello, Chris?
Me: Yes?
CC: I'm calling from the Microsoft support department because of all the errors on your computer that you've logged with MS.
Me: You mean when I click on the "send report to MS" when a program crashes it goes to you?
CC: Yes! That's why I'm calling. You've got a lot of viruses on your computer and if we don't fix it right away your computer will slow down even more and the hard drive will fail.
Me: Really? That's terrible! But how do you know about all the errors because I don't always send the report? And, how do you know what version of Windows I've got?
CC: Because those crashes get reported to us.
Me: Hmmm. How do you know which program crashed and which version of Windows I have?
CC: Windows 7?
Me: (no answer)
CC: Windows Vista?
Me: (no answer)
CC: Windows XP?
Me: I have Windows XP!!!
CC: Good. I can show you how many errors you have in the Event Viewer. Do you see the Windows key on your keyboard?
Me: Where's that? I don't see any key with Windows on it.
CC: On the bottom row on the left next to the ctrl key.
Me: Could you repeat that please? I can't understand you.
CC: On the bottom row on the left next to the ctrl key.
Me: OK, I see the ctrl key, but there's no Windows key.
CC: On the bottom row on the left next to the ctrl key and next to the alt key.
Me: Oh, OK, I see it now. But it doesn't look like a Windows key; there's a little rectangular box with an arrow on it. Is that what you mean?
CC: No, it's next to the ctrl key.
Me: I'm telling you it's a rectangular box with an arrow on it.
CC: (a little exasperatedly) On the left side between the ctrl and alt key!
Me: Oh, left, left. OK, I see it now. I've always wondered what that's for. Now what?
CC: Press that key once.
Me: Done.
CC: Do you see "run "?
Me: No, all's I see are my programs.
CC: No, on the left do you see "run "?
Me: No. Would it be under Accessories? I see Command Prompt there — is that what you mean? Should I click that?
CC: No! It's on the left side of that window.
Me: Oh, left, left: Yes, but all I see is the word Run.
CC: That's good. Now click it.
Me: Right click?
CC: No, left click.
Me: OK.
CC: Now, in that box type in . . .
Me: I don't see a box. The only thing I see is RUN in bold letters.
CC: You left clicked . . .
Me: Oh, left, left. I have dyslexia and I get confused sometimes. OK, I clicked it.
CC: Good! Now, in that box type in "E" as in Edward.
Me: OK, "B" as in Backward . . .
CC: NO! E; E; E as in Edward.
Me: Oh, OK, EEE . . . now what?
CC: No! Only one E!
Me: OK, should I type the number 1 or spell it out before the E?

(We went on like this for almost 5 minutes with me deliberately putting in the wrong letters and saying, "Could you repeat that, please? Your accent is very heavy." [always politely, and with apologies, of course] before we finally got to the Event Viewer)

CC: Now, on the left do you see Application?
Me: Yes.
CC: OK, now double click it to open it.
Me: My computer is set up for "single-click ". If I double click it will that cause one of the viruses to run?
CC: No, it will just open a new window.
Me: WOW!!! There's a lot of stuff in there! What is it?
CC: That lists all the crashes from you programs that get sent to us at the Microsoft Support Center.
Me: So even if I don't click "send report to MS" you get the information anyway?
CC: Yes, that's why we're calling because your computer is very infected and if we don't fix it right away, tomorrow when you turn on your computer it will crash.
Me: Could you please repeat that?
CC: (repeats above)
Me: WOW! It's a good thing you called! But how do you know it's going to crash tomorrow?
CC: Now, do you see any red circles with a cross in them and yellow circles with an exclamation mark? That's how we know.
Me: No, I don't see any crosses, but there's some yellow thingies.
CC: You don't see any red crosses?
Me: No, but I do see a lot of red circles with "X "'s in them. Is that what you mean?
CC: Yes. How many of them are there?
Me: Don't you have that information since it's all being sent to MS?
CC: Yes, we do. This is to show you how badly your computer is infected. Now, how many of the crosses do you see?
Me: I told you there's no "crosses ", only "X "'s!
CC: OK, how many X's do you see?
Me: Man, there's a LOT of them! OK, let's see: One, two, three . . . ( I s-l-o-w-l-y count to 20)
CC: (mumbles something)
Me: Darn it! You made me lose count! Now I'm gonna have to start over. One, two, three . . . (I play this out for a few minutes till I get to 40 [actually, I only had one X and it was a SeaMonkey gklayout.dll error] before he got exasperated (again) and said:
CC: That's enough. You can see by all the crosses how bad your computer is infected.
Me: Even though they're X's and not crosses it's still an infection? How can that be? I "think" I have an Anti-Virus program.
CC: You get infections from your e-mail, the web and downloaded programs. What Anti-Virus program are you using?
Me: I don't know. Where do I find it?
CC: Oh, that's very bad; you don't know what program you're running and that's why your computer is going to crash!
Me: Tomorrow?
CC: What?
Me: You said my computer is going to crash tomorrow if I don't fix it.
CC: Yes. But don't worry because our technicians will fix it for you.
Me: I though "you" were the technician because you seem to know a lot about my computer and that it's going to crash tomorrow.
CC: I am a technician but our specialist team needs to connect to your computer so he can fix everything for you.
Me: Someone is going to come to my place and fix it? Wow! How much is that going to cost me?
CC: No, we do it remotely.
Me: How are you going to fix it remotely if you're not here?
CC: We do it using a special website and our technicians can scan your computer and fix it.
Me: You can fix it all the way from India?!? Gosh! What part of India are you in?
CC: We're in Brooklyn.
Me: Brooklyn!!! Wow! I was born there! Have you had a Nathan's hot dog with the works on it? [I hope the humor of that question isn't lost on anyone]
CC: No, but let's connect to our team and fix your computer.
Me: OK, what do we do?
(At this point I go through a similar routine as I did above with the Windows key and we finally get to the Run box and the guy's voice is getting higher and more strained)
CC: OK, now type in WWW dot.
Me: Ok WWW dot
CC: WWW dot. —
Me: OK, WWW dot WWW dot, now what?
CC: NO! Only one W!
Me: OK, one W
CC: OK, WWW dot
Me: W dot WWW dot —
CC: NO! Just WWW dot —
Me: OK WWW dot, now what?
CC: type the letter "L" as in Larry.
Me: Did you say "B" as in Barry?
CC: NO! L, L as in Larry!
Me: OK, "L "
CC: Now "O" as in Oscar.
Me: Could you please repeat that? (which he does)
Me: Are you saying "awful "?
CC: NO!!! "O" as in Oscar!!!
Me: Oh, Oscar! You know I have a second cousin, twice removed, named Oscar! He has a lovely daughter but the poor thing has ingrown toenails so bad she can hardly walk. She really need to get an operation to fix that so she . . .
CC: That's fine, but lets get back to your computer. Now have you typed in "L" and "O "?
Me: Yes.
CC: OK . . .
Me: OK, I clicked OK and I'm on LO.com. Now what?
CC: NO! NO! NO! Don't click anything until I tell you!
Me: OK.
CC: Now, type in L, O, . . .
(At this point I repeatedly "mishear" just about every letter the guy says [e.g. CC: "M as in Mary: Me: Harry doesn't start with an "M"] and his voice is getting into the castrato range [evil grin])
CC: Now, have you got "logmein123.com "?
Me: Yes. Logmein one, two, three dot com.
CC: Good, NOW click OK.
Me: Right click or left click?
CC: (probably muttering Indian swear words because I didn't understand a thing he said) Left click!!!
Me: OK, I'm at logmeinonetwothree.com. Now what?
CC: Do you see the Support Connection box?
Me: No. There's a box in the middle of the page that says Help Desk Software, Email Software, Stock Trading, etc., etc.
CC: ??? What page are you on???
Me: The one you told me: logmein o-n-e, t-w-o, t-h-r-e-e.
CC: NO! NO! NO! It's the numbers 1,2,3 not spelled out!
Me: Well, why didn't you say so? OK, I'm now on the page that has the box.
CC: I'm going to give you a code number to type in there so our technicians can fix your computer. (He then proceeds to give me a six digit number which, as I'm sure you've already guessed, I misheard)
Me: OK, no wait! My computer just shut down!!! (It didn't) What did you do???
CC: We haven't done anything yet.
Me: Well, then, why did my computer just shut down?
CC: It's probably all the viruses you have.
Me: OK, let me start it again. This'll take a few minutes because it's really slow (at this point I went to the bathroom).
CC: Hello? Hello? Chris? Hello?
Me: OK, I'm at the Desktop again. You'll have to walk me through to the website again because I didn't write it down. (I didn't give him as hard a time as I did at first)
Me: HEY! I entered the code and it says, "Session using this code is already in use ". If you didn't do anything to my computer to make it shut down, why am I getting the "In use" message??? Say, what are you guys up to???
CC: I'll have to give you another code. (He then gives me "another" code)
Me: OK, I reentered the code and it says "Code has expired "!
CC: Did you put in the new code?
Me: No. I reentered the one you gave me because I though you were going to renew it!
CC: NO!!! Use the NEW code I gave you!!!
Me: OK, OK. There, I put in the code.
CC: Good. Now click on Connect to technician.
Me: Right click or left click?
CC: !!!!!!!!!!
Me: OK, it says, "Internet Explorer cannot display page ".
CC: What number did you type in?
Me: The one YOU gave me! Let me try again.
Me: Nope, I got the same message that it's in use!
CC: Try this number xxxxxx
Me: It says "Code does not exist "! Hey, is this one of those crank phone calls from a radio station trying to keep me on the line for a long time? Because if it is, it's not funny!
CC: No sir, we're just trying to fix your computer.
Me: Well, all this time we've been on the phone, I know it's gonna cost me something. How much do I have to pay???
CC: (He launches into his sales spiel about how fixing it is "free" but it requires a one-year warranty contract that's good 24\7 365 with toll-free tech support and for only $110.00)

At this point (about the 25 minute mark) I have him spell out the terms of the contract (with a LOT of "could you repeat that, please?" thrown in).

Me: So, it's $110, right?
CC: Yes.
Me: Well, I really wish you'd have said so in the first place because I'm on the dole and can barely afford the paper to wipe my arse.
CC: (Much, much cursing in Indian and English with pointed references to my parentage and sexual orientation). Hangs up!

I kept him on the phone for 29 minutes and 47 seconds!!! I feel so badly about that. NOT!!!

I think there should be some sort of contest to see who can keep these b*****ds on the phone the longest. Unfortunately I didn't record the call, elsewise I'd have it posted on youtube.

 

Reminds me of a cold caller offering a free demonstration of a certain brand of vacuum cleaner and because I was a select few I'd also be given a free TV (this was a few years ago guys) just to permit the salesman the demo.

Needless to say the salesman wasn't happy when he showed up at the appointed time and refused entry until I saw the TV

 

LOL, That was so funny!! Way to go. You really made him work hard, and he didnt even manage to sell you that "warranty contract ". That serves those scamming S.O.B.s right.

 

@ Arie, It doesn't require patience, just waaay too much time on your hands and a sense of humor (at their expense, of course).

@ Evan, No! No! No! You've really gotta dumb it down. If you're too intelligent, they'll hang up on you too quickly. That's the point of the "contest" "” to see how long you can keep 'em on the phone (if you're as perverse as I am )

@ wildfire, I take it you still don't have a vacuum cleaner or a telly?

@ Thomas, Thanks, I really had fun! A lot of the stuff came from tech calls to me from friends and family needing help. Major brain damage from having to repeat myself and saying, "always left-click unless I say right-click" 20 times during a conversation.

 

Well done! I've had at least 4 of those calls and I didn't think to string them along.
I've usually just told them they're scammers and hung up. I've given my wife the option to blow her whistle down the phone - hoping they'll suffer hearing damage.
It's pretty rife here in NZ and I've heard quite a number of elderly women have been caught but their banks have usually reversed charges against cards.
You have to be very slow on the uptake not to pick the Asian accent which is always a dead giveaway.
I might try your chat technique next time I get a call. Neil.

 

Update

Hi all,

I typed in the title to my post on Google, fully expecting to find a ". . . did not match any documents." message, but, it was third on a list of over 2,000,000 hits!

???

How can this be? Does Google scan every website\forum 24\7?

 

Nope, WindowsBBS is just famous Chris, google look here first and then go elsewhere if there are no hits

 

I've quite often noted when "Googling" that there are Threads from WindowsBBS shown. Like there are from every Forum that is on the web. Neil.

 

OK, I'll stop joking around...

Chris you may find this Wikipedia article on web crawler's interesting.